Picture of Galaxy Nipple Censored by Facebook

SAN FRANCISCO - Following a hurried meeting between Facebook’s moderators, it was announced early on Wednesday morning that the first ever picture of a black hole released by a consortium of scientists violates Facebook and Instagram’s nudity policies. Due to that fact that in Mark Zuckerberg’s opinion all galaxies are actually female, the long-awaited picture of the galaxy nipple that was released to the public has thus been censored, depriving everyone of that sweet astrophysics nip-slip.

Though the scientific version of The Fappening has been censored to the general public, scientists who worked on the project have described the uncensored image as “an incredible leap in our understanding of the universe,” “the result of remarkable international scientific collaboration,” and “the best and only nipple I have ever seen.”

In response to the announcement, several conservative groups, including the Family Research Council, the American Conservative Union, and the Group We Created To Overcompensate for the Fact that We’re Secretly Gay, have released statements asking that regulations be placed on scientists to prevent further racy spacy images from being foisted upon innocent Americans. Vice President Mike Pence has gone a step further and asked that all telescopes be burned at the stake.

Disclaimer: This is a work of satire. The Crouton is not officially associated with Georgia Tech.